Dead or Alive the movie - Here's to sucking less than a Charlie's Angels sequel

DOA: Dead or Alive
Directed by: Corey Yuen
Screenplay by: JF Lawton, Adam Gross and Seth Gross (why it took 3 writers on this screenplay confuses the hell out of me)
Starring: Jaime Pressly, the moon-faced Devon Aoki, Holly Valance, Sarah Carter, Eric Robers, Robin Shou (not sure if “starring” qualifies here), Matthew Marsden, Brian J. White and Steve Howey…the guy from Reba
Running Time: 87 minutes
Rated: PG-13 for violence and a rather homely Devon Aoki

I’m not going to both spending a whole lot of time on the plot of this movie. You’ve seen “Enter the Dragon,” right? Or any of its whole host of knock-offs? Then you know the basic plot to this one. Group of people are invited to an island, run by a creepy man dressed in Chinese pajamas, for a martial arts tournament with a sinister secret. There’s some additional attempts at a plot by the writers, something about Devon Aoki’s brother being missing or some crap like that, but no one really cares.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZCoTTV40qM

They may call him Earl, but they call her HOT! The very interesting thing about this movie is: for a movie based on a video game most known for really big, really bouncy boobies…DOA had very few actual bouncing boobies. Most of the girls in the lead parts were of more moderate booby-size…heck, Devon Aoki has the body of a young Thai Boy with what appear to be Anti-Breasts. Luckily the always enticing, and slightly trashy-but-in-a-good-way, Jaime Pressly and scrumptuous Holly Valance are on had to more than make up for it.

As bad as this movie is, it was still a lot of fun. I did come away thinking that about 20 minutes had been cut out of the film, though. It seemed like there were a lot of dangling plot threads that never really went any where. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really wish there had been more of the Kevin Nash-Jaime Pressly dynamic in the movie. It was a lot of fun and could have made the movie a lot better if it had been worked in. I went in expecting something relating to a Charlie’s Angels sequel and found something that didn’t annoy me anywhere near as much as those pieces of rotten anus.

Holly Valance in DOA. The good about DOA: Steve Howey…yeah, the guy from Reba. Howey was a creepy nerd in this one and it worked. He makes me laugh. The aforementioned Jaime Pressly and Holly Valance were great. Pressly got pumped up for this one and looks good in her fighting stances. Holly Valance = hot. Nothing more needs to be said there. Kevin Nash as Bass Armstrong, father of Jaime Pressly’s character. Believe it or not, Nash did a great job as a guy who doesn’t take his daughter all that seriously — and I so wish they had done more with the bit about him thinking Tina is a lesbian. Funny stuff.

Finally, the fighting really wasn’t that bad. There were too many tight shots that cut out too much of the fighting, but overall Yuen did a great job with what he was given.

The bad about DOA: Devon Aoki. I have no clue how this chick keeps getting work. She’s fairly homely and is one of the worst actresses this side of Traci Lord. Well, at least Traci Lord has big boobs. Attention, fan boys, just because a girl is Asian does not make her attractive. In fact, if you’re attracted to Devon Aoki it is just the first step on the road to admitting your inner homosexuality. Not that there is anything wrong with that. She’s a man…well, a young Thai boy…accept it.

The girls of DOA are about to give the beat down to Eric Roberts for his bad acting and terrible hair. Second only to Aoki’s bad acting was that of Eric Roberts. When I saw him in the movie, I just about choked on my popcorn. I mean come on…when you’re making a martial arts movie and need a villain who is going to do a lot of martial arts fight, how the heck does the name Eric Roberts even make the list? If Eric is reading this, “hey, Eric…when Kevin Nash does a better acting job than you do it’s time to retire.”

This takes place 30 seconds after the greatest gooch-shot ever filmed. Oh, I forgot the absolute best part of DOA: it features the single most magnifican gooch-shot ever put on film. The shot of Sarah Carter’s gooch during her fight with Holly Valance was truly a masterpiece. If you’ve seen the movie then you know what I’m talking about. Bravo. Bravo.

If you’re looking for a brainless, tongue-in-cheek action film then check out DOA: Dead or Alive. For not being as bad as a Charlie’s Angel movie, I give DOA 3 Stars.

-NiftyMat, Professional nerd
http://www.theniftynerd.com/

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Bruce Darren Acosta el 2 de February de 2008 a las 11:02 pm dijo:

DOA:DEAD OR ALIVE.

The movie adaptation of the Tecmo game series DOA:Dead or Alive is good but the problem is the movie is short and a waste of time,the plot is cheesy and very lame and Devon Aoki’s acting is worse but Holly Valance had some good performance and same with Jaime Pressly.
The movie also has some funny parts but the special effects looks a bit terrible,the fight scenes are good but the whole film could have been better if they have Japanese actresses for Kasumi and Ayane.
3 out of 5
Thank You.
BRUCE ACOSTA
AUSTRALIA.

Mat el 24 de March de 2008 a las 7:12 pm dijo:

Bruce:

I’m right there with you. Holly Valance was great and I absolutely loved Jamie Pressly and Kevin Nash. Their chemistry was fun to watch.

-Mat N.

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