Well, it’s now official: Warner Brothers and DC Comics suck ass. I’m assuming there will be a press release stating that fact sent out shortly. You see, in the infinite wisdom of the Warner Bros., Greg Berlanti has just signed a deal to not only write but also direct a live-action “Green Lantern” movie.

My reaction: WHAT THE FUCK??!?!!

Now, as you may or may not know, Green Lantern is one of the coolest superheroes ever created and is published by the aforementioned DC Comics. And, as you also may or may not know, Greg Berlanti is the creator of the incredibly painfull “Everwood” television series. I would love to know what mental giant at Warner Bros. immediately connected Berlanti, known for slow, boring and melodramatic television dreck, with a high action superhero film that takes places in space. It’s almost like they said to themselves, “we haven’t put out a physically nauseating film based on the DC Comics characters since “Catwoman” and we really need to fix that. Who would be the absolutely worst choice for a director of a superhero film?”

The movie is said to be focusing on Hal Jordan, a test pilot who is recruited in to a galactic police force called the Green Lantern Corps. At least they’ve got the very basics of the origin correct - if they had said the film was based on Kyle Rayner then you would have been reading about my suicide bomb attack on the WB Studios in Burbank. Berlanti’s co-writers are Marc Guggenheim and Michael Green and they inspire even less confidence than the director…at least Green was responsible for some “Heroes” episodes, even if this season has been almost as boring as an episode of “Everwood.”

We’ve been hearing about the development of this film for a while now, so I am very much hoping this will be another case of “almost” than a finished project. If it is release you can be assured I’ll be sitting at home, clutching my DC Direct Green Lantern Power Battery to my chest and pretending that it is all just a bad dream…just a bad dream.

In response to this horrible crime about to be hoisted on us all, I’ve come up with a new Green Lantern Oath. Learn it. Live it. Love it:

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night
No Evil Shall Escape My Sight.
Let Those Who Write For Everwood
Beware My Power or I’ll Smack You Good.

-NiftyMat, Professional Nerd
http://www.theniftynerd.com