As a true Nerd, I have been a fan of the Star Wars franchise since the release of the original movie in 1977 - which I refuse to this day to call “A New Hope.” I was 4 when it came out and it is the second movie I remember ever going to see with my parents (the first was Earthquake with its “Sensurround” feature).

Since that fateful day in 1977, I have seen every single Star Wars film release on or before opening day…as any proper Nerd should. As is the typical story of my kind, I owned (and still own) every Star Wars toy through the end of Return of the Jedi. And, like a proper Nerd, I stopped collecting when the travesties of the Ewoks and Droids spin-offs were born.

In the period between Return of the Jedi and the release of the Phantom Menace (what we Star Wars junkies refer to as the “Time of Great Darkness”), I kept myself sustained through periodic injections of Star Wars novels, comic books and video games, continually prostrating myself towards Skywalker Ranch in prayer for an eventual return to that Galaxy Far, Far AWay.

With the release of the final installments of the Star Wars films in the form of “Revenge of the Sith,” I was faced with the realization that my next good Star Wars fix might never come. Fortunately for Nerds everywhere, Uncle Lucas and his team have come through just when our Star Wars jones was starting to hurt real bad.

Word from LucasArts has announced the latest entry into the expanded universe of Star Wars fiction will be making its way to NextGen video game consoles on September 16, 2008. In fact the new game, titled “Star Wars: The Force Unleashed,” will be a multimedia event with releases not only as a video game, but also as comic books, toys, a prose novel, a reference book and a role-playing game supplement. I was saddened by the lack of underoos, but I’ll get over it with time.

The plot behind “The Force Unleashed” takes place between Episodes III and IV, telling the story of Darth Vader’s secret Sith apprentice as he sets out on a missing to hunt down and slaughter the remaining Jedi. As he is a “Secret Apprentice” it seem that no witnesses will be left alive as he takes out Jedi and Emperial forces alike.

Now, if you’re a fan of Stars Wars at all, then you’ve probably read everything there is to know about this game already like I have. It looks to be one of the coolest NextGen games around and the heir-apparent to the title of “Best Star Wars Game,” formerly held by the “Knights of the Old Republic” series. My wife is already weeping over the days of time she’ll be losing me while I toil away to complete the game. She will be shedding the tears similar to those of a WoW or Evercrack Widow. I feel for her but Star Wars was my lover way before she came along and that the only room I’ll have in my grave will be for my Force FX lightsaber and a complete run of the Shogun Warriors comics from Marvel.

The only question that has been bopping around my head is: which freakin’ version should I buy? I’ve got an XBox 360 and a Nintendo Wii, and there are some interesting differences between the two. While the 360 version has graphics light years better than those on the Wii, the Nintendo version comes packed with additional levels and the option to wield the WiiMote in battling your enemies with a much more immersive use of the force and lightsaber. Am I destined to drop over $100 in order to get both versions? Am I so wretched a human being that I would actually do so?

Yes.

Yes I am.

But, no matter how sad and pathetic a Star Wars fan I am, at least you won’t see me dressed as an overweight Jedi with a mullet in some crappy fan film on theforce.net. Well, not as long as my medication holds out you won’t.

Until next time, May the Force be with You.

P.S. If you don’t have a Force FX lightsaber then you have absolutely no right to call yourself a Star Wars fan. God damn posers.

-Mat N., the Nifty Nerd
http://www.TheNiftyNerd.com

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