This year, the Nifty Nerd was able to snag a couple of tickets to the Spike TV Scream Awards.  I’ve never really watched the awards on TV because I think they’re about as valid as the MTV awards, but I did leap at the opportunity to attend this year because…well, because I never turn down free tickets to anything.  If someone offered me tickets to an accounting award show I’d probably go as long as there was a concert and free booze.  Tons of hot chicks decked out in the sluttiest Ho’ gear don’t hurt either.

The Scream Awards this year were particularly interesting because Spike has opened them up quite a bit beyond just horror.  This year the show celebrates Sci Fi and fantasy as well, but also had a very strong leaning towards comics.  Even the red carpet itself was lined with giant Alex Ross comic paintings and had the Owlship from Watchmen down at its end.

Got a little Captain in ya?

Anyway, I was able to con my buddy Maniac Mike to go with me, so we got dolled up in our Halloween finest and headed down to the Greek Theater in Los Angeles.  Our costumes were totally sweet enough (or bizarre enough, I’m not quite sure which) to get us pulled out of the throng waiting to get in and placed along the red carpet walk.  It was an interesting experience to be sure…I think it ran a bit long (2 hours) for Maniac Mike and myself and we both would have rather headed in to the Greek Theater itself to partake of their free flowing alcohol and the insane amount of eye candy roaming the area.  I love the fact that most girls equate Halloween with “slutty stripper wear” these days. And to the pair of girls sitting in the Q seats right behind Captain Morgan, excellent choice in costumes.  I could hear Maniac Mike’s erection from 10 feet away.

Once we got in to the theater and the show started, things moved very well.  Having been at a number of similar shows in the past, this one was handled expertly and moved very quickly.  Having a terrible memory and bad name recollection, I’m just going to go over the highlights for me from the show.

First off, Greg Grunberg from Heroes (he plays Matt Parkman) seems to be a complete chode in real life.  The impression I got was of someone trying too hard to have charisma without really having any.  They filmed a couple of red carpet sequences with him and he came off like a bit of a jackass…as least from where I was standing about 10 feet away.  Who knows how it will come across on TV.

Second, I’ve never been a big fan of Summer Glau.  I know a lot of you Browncoats and “Terminator Chronicles” fans are completely ga-ga over this girl, but I’ve always thought she was a bit homely in everything I’ve seen her in.  I was completely amazed at how pretty she is in person.  I’m not sure if it was thanks to the efforts of a great hair and make-up team, or if she just doesn’t photograph very well, but in person I was blown away by the hotness of Summer.  It’s a pity the camera really doesn’t do her justice.

Third, Anthony Hopkins received some sort of honor at the beginning of the show.  He seemed more than a little annoyed to be there and you could tell he didn’t care about the award he received at all.  I got the impression that he was going to go and fire whatever manager talked him in to attending the show.

Fourth, the little bit between Seth Rogan and Kevin Smith was completely lame and uninspired.  They were giving away “best fantasy film” (which turned out to be all comic book movies, and none were fantasy…I guess Hellboy 2 counts if you stretch your imagination a bit, but Dark Knight?) and their back and forth was terrible.  A huge disappoint for a fan of both of the funny men like myself.

Somewhere in the show we were shown a live performance by someone named Kerli.  The singer was incredibly beautiful, in a blond goth/industrial kind of way, but the music itself seemed a bit flat and boring to me.  The announcer (who I can’t remember) made a big point of mentioning that Kerli was from Estonia and that showed the Awards were reaching a worldwide audience.  I’m not completely sure how that equates, but the performance was a lowlight for me.

Tim Burton’s appearance was cool.  He came floating down in a box carried by giant balloons and landed on the stage next to Winnona Ryder.  He seemed a bit tipsy, but it may just have been airsickness because the ride looked a little rough.  Winnona looked good and it was nice to see she was allowed out without one of those tracking ankle bracelets.  I guess rehabilitation can work…although, now that I think about it, I can’t find my wallet.

There was something wrong with the mic during Marilyn Manson’s presentation and they had him redo it.  It was sad because his initial entrance and speech was lively and pretty funny.  When he redid it, his speech was robotic and he seemed extremely bored.  Plus, he left out a pretty funny anus comment.  As someone who enjoys anything at all involving the anus, I was a bit disappointed to be sure.

Frank Miller came out with a couple of ladies from the Spirit (Jaime King and Paz Vega, I think).  He had obviously been drinking heavily before he came on stage and stumbled up to the microphone.  The ladies were on each side of him with their arms locked in his and were noticeably having to support him while he stood.  Miller was more than a little incoherent during his speech and while the stage went dark to show clips from the movie nominations, a producer ran on stage and pulled Miller back from the microphone to try and save things.  The two ladies finished the award presentation and escorted Miller off-stage and, hopefully, someplace to sober up.

Stan Lee appeared along with Kristin Bell.  Stan is getting a bit long in the tooth and seemed excited to just be invited.  He’s becoming a caricature of the caricature of himself he already was.  I got a chuckle when someone from the audience screamed “You’re the Man!” and Stan replied “I certainly am!”  Good stuff. 

Smashing Pumpkins did a quick set with whatever their new song was.  The performance was good, but the song seemed a bit tired for me.  A funny aside, the band was introduced by AnnaLynne McCord and some Elvis Costello looking guy.  The choice of AnnaLynee, as hot as she is, to introduce a band she had obviously never heard of was a poor choice.  She even mentioned in her intro that she had no idea who they were.  I’m not sure if she was trying to be funny or if she really is as stupid as she looks.  Either way, she was sex in Nip/Tick and in the new 90210.  They just need to forbid her from talking without a script.

There was a lot more to the show, but those are the main points from my memory.  They did show a “world premiere” Watchmen preview.  It’s only a world premiere if you didn’t already see it at the San Diego Con earlier this year.  Still, it was nifty to see on the big screen.  Also, Kate Beckinsale (who opened the show and then disappeared) and Rosario Dawson are both incredibly gorgeous in person.  Rosario in particular has an incredible presence that radiates even just presenting an award.  She did a little bit with a guy dressed like Gumby in the audience that was impromptu and funny.   I think every movie should have Rosario in it…I think I’m going to go watch “Alexander” again and fast forward to her naked scene…mainly because there isn’t anything else in the movie worth watching.

Comic book-wise, only one award was presented there at the show.  I’m guess they pre-filmed a lot of the awards for the show itself because the only one we saw was for best comic.  “Y The Last Man” won and Brian K Vaughn and Pia Guerra were there to accept.  Even in a crowd filled with comic fans, no one seemed overly excited by the award or the winners.  None of the nominees received much in the way of cheers or enthusiasm from the audience.  “Umbrella Academy” and its creator received some groans and boos, which surprised me.  In fact, when Gerard Way appeared later in the show to announce the Watchmen sneak peak, he was booed a bit when he said he’d been waiting 20 years for Watchmen to be made into a movie.  Considering he was probably about 9 or 10 back then, the audience seem to feel his comments were insincere.

As the show came to a close, there was a bit of a surprise event.  Sam Jackson strode out onto the stage and announced they were giving out an Icon award to a man to had changed the face of movie making and the lives of everyone in the theater and at home watching.  The lights went crazy, the ultimate fanboy music began to play and we were treated to a 3-4 minute Star Wars sequence while about 50 stormtroopers marched out on to the stage.  For the first time, the Comic-Con Icon Award was given to a non-comic book person and George Lucas came out onto the stage to receive it.  I have to say it was a nifty little ceremony and Lucas thanked Star Trek for what it had done for fandom, which was a cool little nod.  The only guy dressed in a Star Trek outfit went absolutely bonkers.

All-in-all, Maniac Mike and I had a terrific time and really enjoyed the show.  We were completely surprised by the show handing out free booze during the filming.  The previously mentioned guy in the Captain Morgan outfit must have had a hand in things because the rum-and-coke was flowing like water over in our section.

The Nifty Nerd in his full 80s rocker glory...

That’s it from Nerd HQ for today.  Make sure to watch the Scream Awards on Spike TV this Tuesday evening — check your local listings for air times.  I’m not sure if we made it on to camera or not, but if you see a tubby, out of shape rocker with his belly exposed and the worst mullet-wig ever made, then bow before the magnificence of the Nifty Nerd himself!

-Mat Nastos, the Nifty Nerd
http://www.theNiftyNerd.com